Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pants are for mortals
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
