we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
