I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
