So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
