i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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