Got a toothbrush?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
