I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
