she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
