just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
