I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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