I wish I could teleport
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
