He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
