last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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