I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How does one acquire holy water?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
