we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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