I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
