Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
