Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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