just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
