you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
