well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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