I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
