why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
