I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
