i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
