I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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