Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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