I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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