Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
