hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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