Non-Jews are for practice
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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