Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
