we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
