that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
