i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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