is wine microwaveable?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
