Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
