Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
