covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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