In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My dad is sitting where you rode me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
