I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
