This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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