youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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