I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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