Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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