You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i've created a new STD.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
