I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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