The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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