Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
