I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Less talking, more tequila
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
