does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
