i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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