Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
