Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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