the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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