I just made out with a guy for $7.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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