she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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